


Sir Lee Would Be Proud

by Miss_L



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Peter can't take Wade anywhere, a bit of domestic fluff, tsk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:25:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1276375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_L/pseuds/Miss_L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and Wade go to the cinema. Wade is being obnoxious. They're still not banned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sir Lee Would Be Proud

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissLunatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLunatic/gifts).



> Wade's little speech about stabbing someone in the back (which I literally know nothing about) was inspired by what Christopher Lee had allegedly told Peter Jackson about the sound a person being stabbed in the back makes. And Sir Lee is BAMF. So there.

“Wade… Please.”

Peter facepalmed and sunk down into the soft chair, trying to meld with it and become invisible. Already, people were tutting at them and changing places, and the movie hadn’t even started yet. Wade had been rambling non-stop through the previews and the little short film, unfased by the negative attention.

“Wade,” Peter hissed again in desperation, “You’ll get us thrown out! Please, shut up if you ever want to go anywhere with me again!”

The merc always insisted they go on dates, and Spidey always gave in, only to realize half-way what a bad idea it was. Even Tourette’s no longer served as a good excuse, because Wade always contradicted that little lie with everything he got. They were already banned from a couple of restaurants, and Peter dreaded adding the only decent cinema in the radius of 10 miles to the list. Wade huffed, but stilled, because he knew not to anger Peter when he put his Serious Face and Pleading Voice together. Sleeping on the couch was not his favourite thing in the world. Not having sex with Peter was even worse. And he would, ooooh, he _would._

Despite finding the movie boring and predictable, Wade managed to be good until the first killing. The moment the stabbed man fell on the ground, he dissolved into booming laughter, soon to be replaced by muffled suffocating sounds when he remembered to be quiet. People were tutting again and Peter poked Wade hard between the ribs.

“I'm s… Sorry, Pete,” Wade managed to choke out between giggles. “B… Bahahat that’s not what someone who’s beheheing stabbed sounds like.” He snorted in his hand again. 

“And how would _you_ know what somebody who’s being stabbed sounds like?” a tall man a couple of rows behind them asked irritated.

Before Peter could stop him, Wade turned around and levelled the intruder with a hard gaze. The man gave no quarter.

“You live in New York and you've never seen anyone being stabbed?”

“Perhaps we don’t visit the same… Places,” the man countered acidly, an obvious stab in his voice. 

Wade was unimpressed.

“Perhaps we don’t. But let me tell you something, mister,” he started, ignoring Peter’s desperate tugging at his arm. _That’s it, we’re going to get thrown out._ “When you stab someone left or right of their sternum, under the shoulder blades but above the lowest ribs, you puncture a lung, pushing all the air out of it. They basically choke on their own blood before they realise what's going on, and-”

The man made to protest, but stopped when a small, sickly-looking boy put a hand on his arm. Considering the speed of his reaction, Peter could only conclude that the boy was mute, with no other ways of communication in the dark than touch. Wade noticed the child, too, listening intently to the big merc and his voice softened. He chose more clinical and less graphic terms as he continued his explanation of getting a knife in different places on the body, finishing his speech with “it’s basic anatomy, really”. Peter marvelled once again at how gentle Wade was with children, especially ones with a disability, without making them feel patronised. 

The boy and his father had forgotten all about the – frankly horrible – movie as they listened. Peter looked around the auditorium. A teenage girl and a few women were following the conversation, too. There was a man at the back who didn't seem aware of anything going on around him, and a couple had left a few minutes back in a big fuss. Considering nobody had yet come to show them out, they probably hadn’t alerted the manager to the disturbance. One of the women asked a comparative question about the impact of bullets, sending Wade on another enthusiastic – but still semi-scientific – rant. Peter had to admit that seeing his boyfriend enraptured thus certainly did things to him. Naughty things. 

Which he told Wade about when they were walking home. Wade’s face lit up and a positively salacious grin was spreading over his somewhat distorted features. Peter’s eyes narrowed.

“But first, you will be punished for disturbing the peace.”

Peter hadn’t been sure where the words had come from, or why he had uttered them in such a hard tone, but the next thing he knew, his boyfriend threw him over his shoulder and ran home.


End file.
